"Goodman's Bodyguard!" is the 1,079th episode of SML Movies.
Synopsis[]
Goodman wants to hire a bodyguard!
Plot[]
The video starts with Chives, pouring a glass for Mr. Goodman as Goodman says he loves being a millionaire, which Chives tells him that he knows and he says that alot. Goodman then tells Chives to feed him chocolate and throw it in his mouth as he opens his mouth, which Chives goes to get a piece of chocolate from Goodman's bag of chocolate, and throw it to his mouth, but he misses, which causes Chives to get a spanking because of how bad he is at throwing. Soon after, Goodman notices Juan behind him trying to look for his hedge clippers, which he kicks him out because he's the gardener and he's supposed to be outside. Goodman then gets on his phone, which he has Chives fetch it for him as he reads a news article about the CEO of a Healthcare company, getting shot outside his hotel, which this Suprises Goodman as he tells Chives if he seen it, which Chives says he did hear about it. Goodman then realizes that he doesn't have a bodyguard, which makes Goodman feel worried that someone might try to kill him as he tells Chives to find any bodyguards he can think of as he's holding a audition. Juan then comes back behind Goodman, only for Goodman to chuck his bag of chocolate at Juan, telling him "Fuck out!", causing Juan to leave.
At the audition, Chives tells Goodman that he has arranged several interviews for his bodyguard. Goodman tells him to send them in, which Chives says "Very well sir" as he tells him that the first candidate is a gentleman named Screwball, which we see him come in when Goodman tells him to come in, which he sings a circus song as Chives and Goodman watch until Goodman asks him what is he even doing as he then insults his outfit and asks if he even knows what the job's supposed to be for, which Screwball says he saw the flyer, saying he was hiring. Goodman tells him that it's for a bodyguard and not a little kid's birthday party, which Screwball says he's not allowed 500ft of kids or a Chuck E Cheese, which Goodman and Chives look at each other as Goodman then says ok and asks him how he would protect him if an assassin is trying to kill him, which Screwball says he'll pull out his snake balloon because he claims people are afraid of snakes as he pulls out a snake balloon and waves it around until Goodman grabs it and tells him to get out, which Screwball says he's sorry as he then asks if he got the job. Goodman tells him they'll call him, but Screwball says he didn't get his number as Goodman chucks a water bottle at him as he tells him again to get out, which Screwball says it wasn't very nice as he then leaves. Goodman then tells Chives that the next one better be good because he doesn't know what the hell it was, but Chives tells him it's a public application, meaning anyone can apply. Goodman tells him that it should be a little less public as he then asks who's the next one, which Chives tells him the next candidate's name is Shrek. Goodman asks if he means the ogre, which Chives says yes, only for Goodman to facepalm himself.
Shrek then comes in, feeling excited as he tells Goodman he's here for the job interview of being a bodyguard, which Goodman notices how big he is as he tells him that since he's big, if someone tries to shoot him, he can take the bullet for him with all the fat. Shrek tells Goodman that his ass is pretty fat from all the cheesecake as he then asks Goodman how many snack breaks and bathroom breaks he gets as he gives him a long explanation of how long it takes him to use the bathroom. Goodman then tells him that the position has been filled, which disappoints Shrek as he says "Well darn it", but then says it's ok as he asks if he can take a shit in his bathroom, but Goodman tells him no because his toilets have weight limits as he tells him to leave, which Shrek says he'll see him later as he's going to go home and have some cheesecake as he flies away, which this shocks Goodman as he asks Chives if he just fly away by flapping his arms, which Chives tells him he did as Goodman then says "Fuck the Wright Brothers". Goodman then asks who's next as he says the candidates have not been good. Chives says he's sorry as he then says the next candidates name is Woody, which Goodman asks if he means when his wiener gets hard, but Chives says no as he says as in the candidate's name is Woody as Woody then comes in, saying "Chewy Boy!" as he then says his name is Woody and he's here for the job interview, which Goodman notices his sheriff outfit as he says it would be nice to have someone who has law enforcement experience as he then asks how he would protect him if someone's trying to kill him, which Woody says he'll see them coming from miles away with his binoculars as he then says he usually uses his binoculars to hunt Shrimpo, and when he sees the Shrimpo, he'll do the call as he does the call, which he does this as Goodman and Chives slowly look at each other until Goodman tells him to hush as he says they'll definitely call him as he's at the top of the list. Woody then says "All right, good, I'll see you later" as he leaves while Goodman tells Chives that the candidates suck as he says that first, he brought a clown, then he brought him an ogre, and now, he brought a mental patent as he then asks where all the good bodyguards candidates are at, which Chives apologizes as he says the next candidate's name is Crush, which Goodman finds it as being badass as he says "Send them in" as Crush then comes in, which he talks about how his house is "way up here". Crush then asks what's it even about as he says he's looking and he's seeing people that look like he's about to join Men In Black as he starts talking about Men In Black, which Goodman tells him that it's a bodyguard position to protect him as he asks him how he would save him if someone's trying to kill him, which Crush starts talking about random stuff involving superhero's as he then says he doesn't like violence as he prefers to "roll a fatty" and then talk to the person about stars and stuff. Goodman then asks if he's done as he then says "We drug test, I'm sorry", which Crush says he thought he had the job and he was going to be part of Men In Black as he leaves, which Goodman says "No Men In Black here" as he asks Chives to please tell him that all the candidates he has had were jokes and he actually has a real candidate lined up, which Chives says he does as he says the candidates name is Craig and he called himself "The Devil", which Goodman says it sounds scary and sounds like he's a killer as he asks where is he, which Chives tells him he was supposed to be here by now.
Craig the Devil then appears, saying "It is I, The Devil". Chives asks him to please tell him that Goodman's going to hell, which Craig says "Yep, first class ticket", which Goodman doesn't mind as he says at least it's first class and he doesn't have to sit with the poor people who are going to hell as he then asks Craig how he would protect him if someone tried to kill him, which Craig says he would just let them kill him because of how evil it would be since he supposed to be a bodyguard, but he's going to let him die, but Goodman tells him that he obviously didn't get the job as he tells him to get out, calling him a "dick head", which Craig leaves as Goodman tells Chives to drive him around in his Lamborghini as he needs fresh air, which Chives says "Very well sir" as they leave and the video cuts to Jeffy, telling Marvin to "peep the fit" as he points to his hotdog costume, which Marvin says it's a hotdog costume as Jeffy says "Weiner Time", which this confuses Marvin as he says "What?", only for Jeffy to say "Weiner Time" louder, which Rose says "Oh, that's right" as she tells Marvin that it's "Weiner Friday", meaning they have to eat hotdogs. Marvin questions this as he asks if it would make more sense for it to be on Wednesday, but Rose says it used to be on Wednesday, but it's now "Wonton Soup Wednesday". Marvin then suggests waiting until next Wednesday to be "Weiner Wednesday", but Rose says that's "Wheat Bread Wednesday", which this confuses Marvin as Jeffy says "Weiner Time!", but Marvin tells him they don't have any hotdogs, but Jeffy says "Hotdog Time!" as Rose tells Marvin he could go to the gas station and get hotdogs from there, which Marvin says they are disgusting, but Rose says Jeffy will eat them as Jeffy repeatedly says "Hotdog Time, Weiner Time" while Marvin says he's not going until Marvin gets annoyed from Jeffy, and says "Okay fine, I'll get you a goddamn hot dog!" as he leaves as Jeffy says "Hotdog Time!".
The video then shows Goodman's Lamborghini, pulling up to a gas station, which Goodman asks Chives where did he take him to, which Chives tells him that it's the gas station as the car needs gas to move, but Goodman ask why doesn't he just put money in it, which Chives tells him that's what gas is as Goodman tells him to hurry up, which Chives does as he leaves to go to a gas pump to fuel up the car, however the video cuts to him, getting upset as he says "Oh come on, damn thing", which Goodman asks what's going on, which Chives tells him that it's saying "Please see cashier", which Goodman tells Chives to go see the cashier, but Chives tells him he can't and he has to be the one to go as it's his card. Goodman then sighs as he says "Fine", but if I go in there and catch some poor disease, I'm going to be pissed" as he gets out of his car and goes into the gas station, where he is greeted by Cameel Habib Habab, which Goodman says it's smells poor in there as he then notices something in a counter, so he asks what are they, which Cameel says they are scratch offs where he can win money, which this interests Goodman as Marvin then comes in and asks where's the hotdogs. This shocks Goodman as he asks Marvin what's he doing in the gas station as he says he doesn't have money for things, which Marvin says he was just going to buy some hotdogs, which this shocks Goodman as he says "So you have money for hot dogs, but you don't have money to pay your house payment", which Marvin tells him that his family is hungry, but Goodman says his bank account is hungry for his house payment. Goodman then tells him to show him the hot dogs, which Marvin does as he and Goodman walk to a hot dog roller, where Marvin tells him "Here's the hotdogs", only for Goodman to say "EW! POOR!" as he then says "Marvin these hot dogs are just rolling around on a table?", which Marvin tells him yeah as he then says he just grab one and eat it. Goodman is shocked about it as he says it's like a hotdog petting zoo where you can come up and pet the hot dogs, along with feed them Ketchup and Mustard if they wanted to as he points to the bottles of Ketchup and Mustard. Marvin tells him that he just needs to grab a few to eat them, but Goodman says "You're going to eat this Marvin?" as he then asks Marvin how does he know a homeless man didn't come in and rub his wiener all over them. Marvin tells him he doesn't know, but Goodman asks if he's willing to take the gamble as he asks Marvin how does he know as he says there's no cameras or anything to see if a homeless man put his wiener on them, but Marvin tells him that it's "Weiner Time", only for Goodman to slap him, telling him it's not a thing. They then talk for a little bit more until Goodman tells Marvin to go talk to the guy and asks how much the hot dogs are as Marvin and Goodman go to the front, where Goodman asks Cameel how much the hot dogs are, which Cameel says they are $3 as Goodman tells Marvin he doesn't have to pay his house payment if he pulls out $3. Marvin tells him he was gonna use his credit card, but Goodman says no as it's still his money as he tells Cameel that they aren't buying anything, but Marvin wants a Banana as he takes out a Banana, which Cameel says "Congratulations" while Goodman tells Marvin his family will thank him because they at least won't have to eat something that had wiener all over it as he says they can at least pull the peel off if someone did. Suddenly, a Criminal, wearing a clown mask, appears, welding a gun and saying "Give me all the money in the register", which this scares Goodman as he screams, which this gets the attention of the Criminal as he tells Goodman to give him his money or he dies, but notices a smell, which he tracks it to find it's coming from Marvin's banana, which the Criminal asks if it's a Banana as he says he's allergic to Bananas as he then passes out. This impresses Goodman as he tells Marvin he saved his life, but Marvin tells him he didn't do anything. Goodman then tells Marvin that he's hiring him as his bodyguard as he tells him all he has to do is follow him around 24/7, but Marvin tells him he has to get home, which Goodman doesn't care as he tells him he's coming with him as they then leave as Goodman tells Marvin his first mission, which Marvin puts the Banana down on the counter, saying he's not going to steal it, but Goodman takes it back, saying it's Marvin's Banana.
At Goodman's Room at Goodman's Mansion, Goodman lays down on his bed as he tells Marvin to stand on the left side of his bed and watch him sleep, which he tells him if anyone tries to break into "that window", which he points to it, then he kills them, but Marvin tells him he doesn't have a weapon, which Goodman tells him to Karate Chop them then as he yells out for Chives, asking him for his milk, which Chives comes in, with his glass of milk, saying "Right here sir" as he puts it on the bedside table, but Goodman doesn't like where it's at as he says he didn't know his arms were 30ft, causing Chives moving it to the other side of the bedside table, but Goodman tells him he didn't know his arms were 29ft long, causing Chives to sit it on his bed, next to him, which Goodman says "Good boy" as he then looks into the milk, which he asks Chives if he shaved his pubes and put it in his milk as he sees gray in his milk. Chives admits he did, which Goodman tells Chives to drink it as it's going to be his dinner as Chives grabs the glass of milk and takes it back. Marvin then tells Goodman that his phone is ringing as he goes to pick it up while Goodman tells him phones aren't allowed as part of the job and to let it go to voicemail, which Marvin ignores as he accepts the call, revealing it's Rose, asking him where he is at as the gas station isn't far away, which Marvin tells her he got a job as Goodman's Bodyguard and he has to watch him all night, which Rose says it's weird as Jeffy says "Weiner Time!". Rose tells Marvin that Jeffy keeps saying "Weiner Time" as Jeffy says it again, which Marvin tells her that "Weiner Time" has to be later, but Goodman tells him to not talk dirty to his wife as Marvin tells Rose that he's got to go as he ends the call. Goodman then says "Weiner Time Marvin?" as he says that's crazy if that is how she asks for it, which Marvin was about to say something, but loses track as Goodman says all the "Weiner Time" talk is making him want it himself as he yells out for Patricia as it's "Weiner Time". Patricia then comes in, saying "Right now Mr. Goodman?", which Goodman confirms it is now as he tells her to get under his blanket, which Patricia proceeds to do that as Goodman tells Marvin to watch the whole time so she doesn't try to kill him, which Marvin tells him he doesn't want to watch it, but Goodman tells him to look into his eyes as the video then cuts to sometime later, where Marvin, Goodman, and Patricia has fallen sleep. Goodman and Marvin then get up, which Goodman screams while Marvin performs some Karate moves. Goodman asks Marvin if he fall asleep, which Marvin says no, but Goodman says he did as he says he sleeps with his eyes open and saw Marvin fall asleep. Marvin tells Goodman if he can go home as he's been up all night, but Goodman says no as it's a 24 hour job and he has to take him to the bank now as he tells Marvin every morning, he counts his money, so he has to take him to the bank since he's his bodyguard. Marvin then says ok as they then leave to go to the bank.
At the bank, Goodman tells Marvin to watch his back while he counts his money as Susan Smith says Good Morning to Goodman as she asks him how is he doing today, which Goodman says "Rich as always" as he tells her that last night, he gave his maid a "Alabama Hot Pocket" and his buddy Marvin watched as he tells Marvin "Didn't you Marvin?", which Marvin says it was disgusting, but Goodman tells Marvin to not be rude as he tells him to turn around and say hi, which Marvin turns around and says hi to Susan. Suddenly, a Criminal shows up, wearing a ski mask and welding a gun, which he says "Time to die Goodman", which Marvin is shocked while Goodman tells Marvin he told him to watch his back, but Marvin tells him he turned his back for literally 1 second. The Criminal then tells Goodman that he's been waiting a long time. Goodman tells him to let him grab something as he takes Marvin as he tells the Criminal to hurry up and shoot Marvin, but the Criminal tells Marvin to move away, which Goodman tells Marvin he's fired as he tells Goodman "Alright, time to die" as he pulls the trigger, but it didn't shoot as it got jammed, which this distracts the Criminal as Goodman tells Marvin to Karate Chop him, which Marvin does, only for the Criminal to headbutt him, causing Marvin to hurt his nose. The Criminal then says it's now fixed, but Goodman tells him that before he kills him, how much are they paying him to kill him, which the Criminal says 10,000, which this shocks Goodman as he says he'll pay him $20,000 not to kill him, and $30,000 to tell him who hired him, which the Criminal accepts as he says it was his Gardener, which this shocks Goodman as he says the Gardener doesn't have $10,000, but maybe he has 10,000 pesos, which the Criminal confirms that's what he was going to pay him as Goodman gives him an offer of 50,000 pesos to kill the Gardener instead of him, which the Criminal accepts the deal as he leaves while Marvin gets up, which Goodman tells him he's fired. Marvin says "Oh ok" as he leaves while Goodman asks Susan if she has ever heard of "Weiner Time".
Characters[]
- Mr. Goodman
- Chives
- Juan
- Screwball
- Shrek
- Woody
- Crush
- Craig the Devil
- Marvin
- Rose
- Jeffy
- Cameel Habib Habab
- Criminal 2
- Patricia
- Susan Smith
- Criminal
Trivia[]
- This video was uploaded a year after "The Future Machine!", 5 years after "Jeffy the Karate Master!", and 9 years after "Bowser's Drivers License!".
- Although initially shown to be in the Forgotten Character Dungeon from "Brooklyn Guy Gets Fired!", this video marks the return of Woody.
- In this video, Craig confirmed that Goodman will be going to hell. Presumably for his bad actions and greediness.
- This Shrek, Woody, Chives, and Patricia's final appearances in 2024.
- This video reveals that Goodman is somewhat afraid of murderers and has a slightly intense fear and dislike for pedophiles despite his evil personality.
- This is the first time in a while Shrek and Woody both appear in the thumbnail since "Mario's Family Moves Out!", 9 years prior.
- This is Shrek's first appearance since "Shrek 5".
- This is Craig's first appearance since "Trick Or Treat!".
- This is Crush's first appearance since "The Stake Out!".
- This is Screwball's first appearance since "The Talent Show!".
- Goodman makes a reference to the eco who was killed.
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