Board Thread:Suggestion Box/@comment-36196815-20190209035511

(Mario is about to drink some water, until he hears the doorbell ring.) Mario: Coming! (Mario arrives at the front door to see Goodman.) Mario: Let me guess, you want my house payment? Goodman: Exactly. Mario: Just come in. Goodman: Okay. (Mario walks in, but Goodman trips on a magic lamp.) Goodman: Stupid... whatever this is! (Rubs the magic lamp as a genie comes out.) Genie: Greetings! I am the greatest genie ever! I am here to grant you three wishes! Mario WHAT?! Goodman: I get my own d*** three wishes! F*** yeah! Genie: You need to watch your language, Swear-is Hilton! Goodman: I’m sorry, what did you call me? Genie: Swear-is Hilton. It’s what I call all my previous masters who constantly swear. Goodman: Whatever. Can we just get down to my wishes? Genie: Okay, now. What is your first wish? Goodman: Okay, I want... umm... Nuts! Yeah, I want tons of nuts! I wish for tons of nuts! Mario: Of course. The king of cannibalism wants some nuts. Genie: Your wish is my command! (POOF! Tons of chestnuts, peanuts, and walnuts appear in front of Goodman.) Goodman: Yummy testi- what the heck? Fruit nuts? Genie: Yeah, just what you wanted! Goodman: No-no-no-no, this is NOT the kind of nuts I wished for! Genie: Okay, let me fix that for you. (POOF! The fruit nuts turn into metal nuts.) Goodman: That is not what I meant! I can’t believe you messed up my first wish! Mario: That’s what you get for being a cannibal! Goodman: Mario, shut the f*** up. Genie: You better stop it, Sweary McSwearalot, or I’m gonna give your other two wishes to Mario. Goodman: Okay. Let’s try another wish. All right. For my second wish, I wish I had tons of balls! Genie: Your wish is my command! (POOF! Tons of sports balls appear in front of Mario and Goodman.) Goodman: What? What is this?! Genie: These are the balls you wished for. Goodman: Not sports balls, TESTICLE BALLS! I can’t even use these? Genie: Well, I thought you wanted to be the best sports player in the world. Mario: You deserve that, too! Goodman: Motherf- dang it, Mario! Genie: Hey, Spongebob Swearpants! How about your final wish? You could wish for money, roller skates, or the power to live— Goodman: Nipples. I wish for unlimited nipples. Genie: I hate to say it, but you can’t have that. Goodman: What? Why not? Genie: Because that counts as cannibalism, and just like wishing for more wishes, cannibalism is against the rules. Goodman: Very well. Mario, you forced me to say this but... I wish cannibalism wasn’t against the rules. Genie: You can’t wish for that, either! Goodman: Okay, I wish I could wish that cannibalism wasn’t against the rules. Genie: Also not allowed. Goodman: I wish that you would let me wish that wishing for cannibalism wasn’t against the rules! Genie: THAT’S IT! I’m giving your last wish to Mario! Mario: YEAH! Thank that, Sweary Poppins! Goodman: Go ahead! I don’t care what you wish for! Mario: I wish that human cannibalism was banned all over the planet. Goodman: WHAT?! Mario: Hey, you said you don’t care about what I wish for! Goodman: But I do care about THAT! Genie: Your wish is my command! (POOF!) (We then cut to a breaking news on the TV.) Brooklyn T. Guy: Breaking news! Human cannibalism has been banned all over the planet! All humans eating nipples and ballsacks will be arrested. Goodman: You wished for the worst thing I could ever imagine! Now I have to go back to being a doctor! Mario: Have fun! 